I turned the lights on, reached my bathroom mirror like any other morning. And there it was. The first obvious sign of aging — a wrinkle.

Two, actually. Coming from my nose to the side of my mouth. A quick Google search gave it a name: nasolabial folds.

In my perfect world, I’d imagine myself feeling joy and peace at this sign of a life so far well spent, shy of 30 years old. Even better? Not noticing it at all.

But that morning, that didn’t happen. I stared back at myself, frozen for seconds. A sense of dread I had never experienced before fell upon me. I was getting old. And more so, I wondered: Can other people tell too?

Our focus isn’t on how we feel, but more so on how people will perceive us.

I wish I could say I show up every day for myself, without a care for what others might think. But I’m still far from achieving that level of peace for myself. It might be why my first thought was to wonder if people would start perceiving me as old.

Caring about others’ opinions is deeply ingrained in our survival mechanisms. We all want to belong and be accepted by others. And for the longest time, our immediate survival depended on it.

But for a lot of us, caring about others’ opinions has become a source of constant self-judgment and self-imposed misery. We set so much of our self-worth and self-esteem in the hands of others. From our partner, our families and friends, and even strangers on the other side of the planet. We forget to place any of it within ourselves.

As a woman, it feels even harder to separate one’s worth from others’ opinions. Society still in large part attributes a woman’s worth to her youth, beauty, and capacity to maintain it for as long as possible.

Whether true or perceived, we are constantly receiving information about people judging us. And in response, we enter a never-ending cycle of trying to impress others, showing that we are better. Sometimes it isn’t about being better; we want people to notice us, to acknowledge that we have value and that our existence is meaningful.

Beauty standards are pitting us against ourselves.

From as long as I can remember, I’ve been exposed to a copious amount of information about what is right, what is wrong, what is trendy, what isn’t anymore. And I’ve often felt lost on how to find a healthy balance for myself.

As we navigate the world, through social media filters and an abundance of both invasive cosmetic procedures, our perception of others and ourselves becomes distorded.

We forget what ‘’normal’’ humans look like. There’s no perfect glass skin; there’s no one size fits all bodies. We forget that we all have different shapes, and all these shapes are unique and beautiful.

We forget that our bodies are very powerful vessels that support us all our life with tremendous strength and resilience.

I wish society reminded me that signs of ageing are beautiful and a privilege. Not a curse. Not a stigma.

We spend so much time in a loop of looking at other people, what they are doing, how better they are. To then compare ourselves to a made-up standard, that we don’t even let ourselves the chance to exist as we are.

There is a world out there where beauty can uplift each and everyone of us, through the celebration of our individuality. Instead, it is often a source of mental health struggles.

Embracing Aging and Finding Beauty at Every Stages of Our Lives

When I talk about aging with people in my life, I talk about how this is a privilege that not all of us will be graced with. I say it to them, but more than ever, I say it to myself.

Beauty isn’t just about the outer physical layer of our bodies. Beauty comes from our experience, from the lessons we’ve learned, in the memories we’ve made along the way. It comes from the impact we’ve left, no matter how big or small.

And through redefining beauty as a multi dimensionial concept, we can start being kinder to others, but also to ourselves. By not judging, comparing, pitting ourselves.

Being kind to others, and ourselves is key. When I pass by a woman older than I am and I’m drawn to looking at her, I don’t do it because she’s old. What might grab my attention is her beauty, her style, her grace. I hope to one day give myself the same kindness.

Conclusion

While I am not swearing off social media and media in general, I have taken the path to better vet the creators I follow. I aim to follow women who are older than me and have embraced their individuality, the passing of time, and the beauty within it all. When I watch them, I feel guided and empowered.

Until my time comes to empower others, I will keep enjoying every smile and laugh as a testament to me still being here, alive, and grateful.